First of all, a narcissist is someone who is completely self centered. That doesn't mean they are selfish, they can want good things for other people. But they view the entire world relationally, as in what everything means for them. What can be done for them is always the first question on their mind. So the first thing you should know is that difficult and narcissistic people aren't evil and they aren't out to get you. In their mind, they simply come first and they don't have the normal ability to put themselves in someone else's shoes. So try not to develop any kind of hatred toward them. The first step you need to take is to detach and relax.
2
Second, do some research. There are a lot of helpful books out there that can really teach you a thing or two about how to deal with difficult people. You aren't the first person to be in this situation, so do some research and find out what worked for other people.
Sponsored Links
Free SSL Security Guides
Range of Free SSL Product and Technical guides from Thawte
www.thawte.com
3
Whatever you do, don't try to change that narcissistic or difficult person. You may as well be banging your head against a wall. Instead, focus your energy on how you will deal with that person being in your life. They won't change, so you have to learn to accomodate.
4
Next, know that a person can only lean on you as long as you are standing there. My husband and I once had a very needy neighbor who always wanted to come over and do everything with us. We had to learn to simply shut him out, and that it was okay for him to be angry with us. If a person is sucking the life out of you, don't let them in! You may lose them altogether, but that might be just what you need.
5
But what if that person is someone you will definitely be around for the rest of your life? What if you can't shut them out entirely, or don't want to? A family member, perhaps? Again, you have to learn to detach from that person's feelings. Teach yourself not to feel responsible for what they feel. A person who is narcissistic tends to be upset very often because they feel as though they aren't getting enough. The truth is, even if you gave them everything that they say they want in a relationship, they would still find reasons to be unhappy. So learn to accept what they are feeling and then just let it go. You don't have to experience their ups and downs with them.
6
Make your holiday plans first, then tell them about those plans. Planning special occasions with a difficult person in your family or social circle is never easy. If you give them an inch, they will take a mile. So you have to decide what you are going to do first, then tell them. If they don't like it they will not be included. They will learn to accept this method when they realize that they cannot manipulate the way you make plans anymore.
7
Never feel guilty. A narcissistic person will want you to feel like you are never quite doing "good" enough. You simply have to block that out and decide not to care about their opinions of how you are doing.
8
Never listen to what a narcissistic person tells you about other people. Remember, they only see the world in relation to themselves, so they can often start gossip or family fights by talking to different members of the family about what they perceive to be true based on how they feel at the time. You must learn to take them with a grain of salt when they are discussing other people with you. You MUST stay in good touch with your other family members, otherwise the narcissist will see the opportunity to create drama and get attention from that drama.
9
Vent, but not too much. You want to get your frustration out about that difficult person. Don't be a master of the slow burn. If you're annoyed, get it out of your system. But beware, there is usually a list a mile long to discuss when you have a narcissist in your life. If you talk about them too much, they might as well be around. Don't let them become the center of your life by letting them be the center of your thoughts and conversations.
10
Try therapy. If things are really tough, you could try to get that narcissist into therapy, but this often causes more trouble than it is worth for you. So you may want to consider talking to someone about how you should be dealing with this problem. Therapy always offers some good insight and there is nothing to be ashamed of, if you are at the end of your rope...go talk to a professional. Chances are they have dealt with this very same issue many times before.
Tips & Warnings
Find someone in your life who has been through what you are going through with a narcissist or a difficult person. Personal insight is always better than "How To" tips from strangers. :)
